Miel 发表于 2006-07-28 01:23:26
i was with n.d and grace that sunday. we had a decent time chatting together . well, actually not that decent. considering i was away from island for almost a year. it was very dear for me...
i miss them really bad. they were patient with me. we have a little say and a litle laughter session. it felt good. the whole point was. we grew up.
nd got a new job in siemen. the pay is decent enough. i am not sure whether he saved up any moola a not. at least, he's not complainin like he used to, and even can afford to pay for entrance into clubs.
we grew up. we all moved on. a year ago, we were plagued with failed relationship. all 3 of us. this year, we moved on. grace was darkened up by the shadows of the dunno who bastard, and on running further away from her creepy crawly nightmares, she found ah neh chris. that ah neh chris also sad case.. din survive longer than 2 years. now, with the new guy. i dunno his name.. p.b. or what.. mr synergy or something...they were good until that pb cork said break-up to grace. they still together now, but grace cannot see him as marriage material anymore.. to her, this is sacred ground. she wants to feel secured.. and if cannot live through hardship, no point marrying. that cork also not christian. ah grace is christian. though everytime i must remind her go church. she quite lazy on this matter.
n.d was choked by that i cannot remember who, think start with T charbor. even now, that girl still disturb him now and then, to see if they if they can get back together anot. thing is, lao gao grew up already. he's not turning back. "i love tina the most..but ask me together again, is like visiting ghost... there is that kind of stigma that make u not wish to do a lot for her anymore...i go find someone new... at least i know i will try harder for the new one.." he is currently chasing this girl that look like some taiwanese celebrity. some yang or what. i was suppose to be celebrate his bird-day on 727. but shit happened. din managed to get back to singapore.
as for me, i am happy this season. i think i moved on somehow. when i was back, i did sms lyn. GOOD DAY. i did a couple of GOOD DAY SMS to a few good buddies. all replied. she din. so oh well, i din care that much. i was in good company, enjoyed my sunday with good people. however the next day i woke up, feeling "yeah i should tell her i am in singapore. wait she throw dumb temper again when she found out." so i called her. "hello, is this lyn?" "yes, speakin" "hey.. i am back" .."when?" "but i am leaving tonight." "what? when u come back? how come leavin so fast? why never find me." "yeah yeah.. sms u dunno how to reply, u think u free meh? sunday u confirm busy one with somebody." "whatever [that tone i hate most] "... "really what, you dun want to reply." "i thought u sms me from china." "that good day is so hard to reply?" " i dunno what to reply."... the rest of story not important.. she did sms me again when she hung up saying she was in marsiling on sunday..but.. so?.. i was in lentor .. and then in city hall.. marsiling also gone fuck.
"i dunno how to reply." indicates a certain spectrum on how things are. its not negative. its not positive. its in between. she could be having good sex, can't be bothered to reply. she could be with that my 12 years basketball cheebye companion. or she could be with family, or giving tuition. or whatever. its doesn't matter. the fail to reply, is what u call play by fate. no matter how u miss a person, or rather how important that person is. dun do anything = miss chance. of all people, she should know better. i miss a chance. i lose her. it was bad. and she, have to follow the same steps, even now when she treat me as a friend, and go finger licking someone else.
i din get to see her. i guess its for the best as well, n.d n grace confirm better companion for a relaxing sunday at liang seah street. i was not really so gian to see her also somehow, partly, because i dun want to explain to teng if i really did see lyn, and i also know i fail in story telling, people have to dig pieces here and there to fully see the whole picture. i am really afraid teng might misunderstand. i just want things to be fresh now. gear, move on. no ghost. new things to be explored. my own memories in a new land.
those 2 got me a singlet. this one.. they buang one. they think nice. i think not nice.. they thought i wanted. and din buy cause dun wish to spend that kind of money. the whole point was i was looking for cutting, there was none that i like. well, actually yes, in that stupid gay shop.. URBan dunno what. that kinky hang on ur shoulder strap singlet was tempting.. but knn.. 60sgd for one singlet.. how to buy.. then say say say say... so many beach shorts.. billabong.. quicksilver..i want buy.. but 75 sgd.. but what shit.. sigh...
i really had a good sunday with them both. only problem is i flew my secondary pals aeroplane. i am 25, yet i never really understand what is called time. even with the current part time job i have, where time is of the essence, my personal life is still repulsively time probed.
this week, i missed a singapore flight, gave it to serene cause she need to get to cambodia. and then today feeling blue, i din keep my cellphone near me.. i miss the flight to germany. zzz.. luck can really turn on you when u want to feel lucky... looking on the bright side.. not going to germany also meant, i will be around in shanghai for the weekend. i am really anticipatin the weekend somehow, i want to see teng. i want to accompany her to church. i want to tell her what she wrote in blog was not pity nor rush. it was build up.
n.d asked me whether i beleive in fate. few years ago, if i remain in singapore, and never come to china. i probably will never believe in that word. now, here, in shanghai. i am happy somehow. i am given a lot of chance to be alive again. free from the ghosts that haunt me in the island.
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