Miel 发表于 2006-01-12 17:28:05
i am happy i am gay.
i guess this 6 words has form a big impression in my life now. something to remind me.. of life here in shanghai: i can control and yet i can do so little. so what do i do all day?
i stare in front of my 19th inch monitor, watching my heroes whack wooden poles at the training ground.(www.conqueronline.com), or team build rts (www.sgalaxy.com)
my aussie lecturer... she's going back to aussie. sunshine. i like her. she is a good person. summer now. its so good. i miss the sun. i miss looking tanned.. and shiny. soon. i will be in hainan, hopefully i can get a good tan out from it. and yes.. i want to lie inside a hammock.. tie bwtween 2 coconut trees.. do nothing.. just reading book and watching the people...falling asleep now and then.. occasionally scratching myself from the insect bites and bloody fuckign mosquitoes.
everyone will be gone soon. 13th the singaporeans. 14th the malaysians.
who is left behind? ahbang. master. jojo. lee rong wen? myself. and loads of documentary and a dvd player
i have one collection of documentaries. since now there is a player i can begin watching and seeing again. and again. occasionally falling asleep as i watch. now.. with so little people in the house.. i guess i will be able to do what i want.. in a much more spacial place.. falling asleep.. th eugly side of me.. without people noticing ..
why do i hide in my room so much. because i have nothing much to say.. and also.. the crazy chase to reach lvl 100 for my trojan.. now reached... the shocking slap of expensive upgrading of equipment make me choose the easy way out: leaving the game on and slowly hitting the wooden man for xp.
yes i do not wish.. people to anticipate me to speak.. i have nothing to say.. i like to observe.. and sometimes.. if lcky and in the mood.. i get the right conversation i like to go deep into and talk.. u know something.. its lesser and lesser now though.. not that the people around me are less important.. or that they are getting borring.. its because i have grown so nonchalent about life itself.. i dun feel inspired. to me its getting so comfortable: 23 hours in room. sleep. cigrettes. delivery food. game. read materials. msn. 1 hour to enjoy warmth from a good bath and order food and collect food or make food. i am really comfrtable in this zone of mine.
i have loads of negatives unwashed. and i cannto find some of them -.-
more money to be spent.
total fare: 1400rmb hainan
4100 rmb for electrical bills and amenities annual and.. zzz 3 months rental fee
oh god. i tell u .. soon i gotta sell back side if this continue.. u really think i enjoy eating one meal a day.. do nothing at hoem.. just to save money.. fuck la...
tomorrow will be a challenging drinking session at tudali.. hoopefully there can be 10 bottles of smooth drinking..
tonight i will be eating with lolli and guys.. -.- hmm.. my new name.. is LICK.
sunday: clean up room. wash my blankets. cause space bigger. no constraint. do more fuck. :D
oh yes did i tell u(who is u. myself? inside? u readers who bored click nothing to do?i dunno) edgar got me this yashica t3. for it.. i am contemplating to sell my f55 nikon and all the lens i have.. iissit wise.. i dunno. but.. i need to get rid of it.. money issue.. lack of using it.. and its getting seriously bad to pay so much for batteries..
i am feeling good. i still have 2 modules in hand.. essays.. and one com stuff.. when will i do it..
i like to blast mp3 loud. and listen to cardigans.
it feels so good that i have nothing to bitch about at all.. smiles
and yes. u run just run. i dun need u to visit me here in shanghai. shanghai is not a hospital.
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