i need a ritual...

Miel 发表于 2006-05-10 05:30:15

as i was cycling back in the sibeh long never say die rain yesterday night, the world cup coming soon just suddenly popped up in my mind suddenly. i was trying hard to balance on the wet floor, siaming the pussy taxis and motorbikes that disturb me every few seconds, and trying to smoke my lungs out with one hand,. yes football.. futboll..soccer.. just suddenly popped into my cracked head. i imagined the coming world cup with lots of crazy fans rushing to that one place with that many people doign the same thing, but maybe cheering for their own different heroes. it suddenly seem like an anticipations for the fans in a rather systematic way.

imagine those people, who are fanatics, every 4 yrs they will buy and travel to watch the world cup, disregard where its being held. and u imagine harder now supposely this fans.. are hardcore, never gonna miss the chance to see it LIVE, as if they are seasonal tickets to be bought like american football.. it suddenly dawn on me.. that this people have a motive.. have a drive.. that persistenty kept them going 4 yrs after 4 yrs.. supposely, many of this people are not really rich.. but they will really save it up 4 yrs.. so that they can go through this ritual without fail. and have fond memories after which. beer.. girls.. fights.. cheers.. the angony of losing. the anticipation for a good game.

this makes me wanna have a ritual of my own. back in singapore, when me not ah bek, can still chiong and play ball like some mrt to crash the twin towers, every year, the gangs will come to my house at least once, all circling the marbled dinnere table to make dumplings with my mum. and when the testerones are there, suddenly walked down the flat to play a few matches of basketballs with the local ahbengs. dinner, cards, ball. and PS for those few bored ones. i seriously miss that and wish it to happen again. its nothing special. but its very ritualistic and bonding.

here daily, my ritiual is sitting in front of the 17th inch monitor, conquer, msn. shattergalaxy. its can maddening and disturbing. sometimes i go what the fuck am i doing but i can never find a way out of it. its like a trap.. u feel if u dun do it, u most probably end up feeling even more depressed than doing it.

so that goes back to it. everyone has somethign healthy. gonzo does it a lot. he travels, he dives, he bothers to whack up money to play golf, no matter how tight his budget is every month. this is life. finding a purpose. hmm.. but i am rather worried about him lately, he dun talked much... and he dunno ok with florrie a not... dunno he got the starbucks i collected for him liao also...

my father also got a ritual. the chinese antique furniture laying down snoring syndrome. everynight he will be there. watching news, reading newspaper, as my little planted tank stand nearby him.. when it s time to sleep.. sometimes he will be so tired that he will fall asleep there till morning.. with his continual snoring growing at the background. when gonzo is back.. gonzo will start a symphony with him.. one doing an old growling.. and the younger one doing the follow-up... its rather disturbing sometimes as i want to sleep.. but its always on my mind whenever i think about it..when i miss singapore really bad.

and my mum will have a ritual too. she will talk about the kids she see everyday when she work...sometimes.. she will repeat the same stories again. it can be really boring.. but thats her way she find a conversation with gonzo and i.

i need a ritual. one that i can feel really good. and that i know.. i can always look forward to doing. i need one now. -.-

and i do have a ritual..now every sem.. and almost every week. i will miss class. and today is the day again. evita here i come!