树，叶，风。

树，叶，风。

oh girl oh girl...

i feel really sad when i read this. i dunno who am i; tree or leaf. definitely not wind.
i am carried across away from my heart. and yet it is not my wings that took me here
i am not the leaf that was blown, but rather the tree who moved like a nomad in seach of
water for his sheep. for if all the sheep die, a nomad is no longer a nomad.
what can he do then if all his sheep die? he cannot not be a nomad. and he will not be able to find root in any place. the sheep believed in him. for then sheep can thrived and bear more sheep. all his sheep cannot die. and if i am the leaf, the wind that is so persistent in blowing is not my love, my love is the tree, the wind is just a wind that blew me here. and it moved on to blow another one somewhere...

oh please miel...
let me live!
let me sing!
let me dreams weave!
let me love a girl called lynn...


Tree
====

The reason I'm called tree is because I'm good at painting trees. Overtime
I start to use a tree on the right hand corner as a trademark for all my
watercolors painting. I have dated 5 gals when I was in Pre-U. There's one
gal who I love a lot but never dare go after her. She doesn't have a pretty
face, doesn't have a good figure, doesn't have outstanding charm. She is
just a very ordinary gal.

I like her. I really like her. Like her innocent, like her frankness. Like
her cuteness, like her intelligence and her fragility. Reason for not going
after her is because I felt somebody so ordinary like her is not a good
match for me. I'm also afraid that after we are together all the good
feelings will vanish. I'm also afraid other's gossips will hurt her. I felt
that if she's my gal, she will be mine ultimately & I don't have to give up
everything just for her. The last reason, made her accompany me for 3
years. She watch me chase after gals, and I have make her heart cry for 3
years.

She wants to be a good actress and I'm a very demanding director. When I
kissed my 2nd girlfriend, she bumped into us. She was embarrassed but smile
& say "Go on!" before running off. The next day, her eyes was swollen like
a walnut. I purposely didn't want to think about what causes her to cry but
laugh at her the whole day. When everybody go back home, she was alone
crying in the classroom. She didn't know that I returned from soccer
training to get something. I watch her cry for an hour or so.

My 4th girlfriend didn't like her. There was once when both of them
quarreled. I know that based on her character she's not the type that will
start off the quarrel. But I still sided with my girlfriend. I shouted at
her and her eyes was filled shocked. I didn't care about her feelings and
walked off with my girlfriend. The next day, she still laugh & joke with me
like nothing has ever happened. I know that she's very hurt but she didn't
know that my heart ache is as bad as hers.

When I broke up with my 5th girlfriend, I asked her out. After going out
for a day, I told her that I have something to tell her. She told me that
coincidentally, she has something to tell me too. I told her about my break
up and she told me about her getting together. I know whose the guy. He has
been going after her for quite a while. A very cute guy full of energy,
lively and interesting. His pursuit for her has been the talk of the
school.

I can't show her my heart ache but could only smile & congratulate her.
When I reach home, the heart ache is so strong that I can't stand it. It's
like a heavy weighted stone on my chest. I couldn't breath. Wanted to shout
but can't. Tears rolled down & I broke down & cry. How many times have I
seen her cry for the man that doesn't acknowledge her presence too.

During graduation, I read a sms in my hp. It was send 10 days ago when I
broke down and cry. I haven't read it since then. It says "Leaf departure
is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay"

Leaf
====

During Pre-U days, I like to collect leaves. Why? Because I felt that for a
leaf to leave the tree she has been relying on for so long it takes a lot
of courage. During the 3 years of Pre-U I was on very close terms with a
guy. Not BGR kind but as buddy kind. But when he had his 1st girlfriend, I
learnt a feeling I never should have learnt - Jealousy. The sourness in the
heart can't be describe by using a lemon. It's like 100 rotten sour lemon.
Sourness to the extreme limit. They were only together for 2 mths. When
they broke up, I hide my strong sense of happiness. But after a mth, he got
together with another gal.

I like him & I know he like me. But why won't he pursue me? Since he love
me why he doesn't want to make the first move? Whenever he had a new
girlfriend, my heart would hurt. Time after time, my heart was hurt. I
begin to suspect that this is a one sided love. If he don't like he, why
does he treat me so well. It's beyond what you will normally do for a
friend. Liking a person is very heart wrenching. I can know his likes, his
habits. But his feelings towards me I can never figure out. You can't
expect me a gal to ask him right?

Despite that, I still want to be by his side. Care for him, accompany him,
love him. Hoping that one fine day, he will come & love me. It's like
waiting for his phone call every night, wanting him to send me sms. I know
that no matter how busy he is, he will make time for me. Because of this, I
waited for him. The 3 years were the hardest to go through & I really want
to give up. Sometimes, I wonder should I continue waiting. The pain and
hurt, the dilemma accompany me for 3 years.

Till the end of my 3rd year, a 2nd year junior begins to go after me.
Everyday he pursuit me relentlessly. From outright rejection to a point in
time when I felt that I'm willing to let him have a small footing in my
heart. He's like a warm & gentle wind, trying to blow a leaf away from the
tree. In the end, I realized that I didn't want to give this wind a small
footing in my heart. I know this wind will bring this badly battered leave
far away & better land. Finally I left tree, but the tree only smile &
didn't ask me to stay. Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or
because Tree didn't ask her to stay.

Wind
====

Because I like a gal called leaf. Because she's so dependent on tree so I
have to be a gust wind. A wind that will blow her away. When I first met
her, it was 1 mth after I transfer to the new school. I saw a petite person
looking at my seniors & me playing soccer. During ECA time, she will always
be sitting there. Be it alone or with her friends looking at him. When he
talks with gals there's jealousy in her eyes. When he looked at her,
there's a smile in her eyes. Looking at her became my habit. Just like she
likes to look at him.

One day, she didn't appear. I felt something amissed. I can't explain the
feeling except it's a kind of uneasiness. The senior was also not there as
well. I went to their classroom, hid outside and saw my senior scolding
her. Tears were in her eyes while he left. The next day, I saw her at her
usual place, looking at him. I walked over and smiled to her. Took out a
note & gave to her. She was surprised. She looked at me, smiled & accept
the note. The next day, she appeared & pass me a note and left.

Leaf's heart is too heavy and wind couldn't blow her away. It's not that
leaf heart is too heavy. It because leaf never want to leave tree.

I replied her note with this statement and slowly she started to talk to me
& accept my presents & phone calls. I know that the person she loves is not
me. But I have this perseverance that one day I will make her like me.
Within 4 mths, I have declared my love for her no less than 20 times. Every
time, she will divert away from the topic. But I never give up. If I decide
I want her to be mine, I will definitely use all means to win her over. I
can't remember how many times I have declared my love to her. Although I
know she will try to divert but I still bear a small ray of hope. Hoping
that she will agree to me my girlfriend. I didn't hear any reply from her
over the phone. I asked "what are you doing? How come you didn't want to
reply?" She said, "I'm nodding my head". "Ah?" I couldn't believe my ears.
"I'm nodding my head" She replied loudly. I hang up the phone, quickly
changed and took a taxi and rush to her place & press her door bell. During
the moment when she opens the door. I hugged her tightly. Leaf departure is
because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay.